I am having suicidal thoughts?

I'm a 19 year old girl and recently been having suicidal thoughts. I dont want to go to a therapist and I dont have a mental illness. I have a back problem which has caused me to develop a hunchback which is so obvious I have to wear baggy clothes to hide it. It looks horrible and I just cant get away from it; nearly every decision I make I have to think about my back first. I just wish I was like other girls, go out clubbing with them, wear what I like, be much taller, fit in with them and not feel stupid. I'm sick of feeling so ugly and wanting to smash a mirror everytime I see myself in it. I'm totally alone and isolated. I really want a boyfriend but I dont see how any guy could find me attractive and want to be with me :'( I'm not exaggerating either....I look so odd that people have noticed it. I think my life is over cos I cant enjoy it so whats the point to anything??? The doctors cant do anything else so I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life. I really want to be carefree but I'm constantly worrying about how I look, how people percieve me etc. I look like the hunchback of notre dame and i really upsets me. The only positive aspect in my life is that I am going to film school in September, I'm smart and very creative.... but all I want is a healthy normal body :@ Should I just kill myself???